September 15, 2021

Bullying – Who Does it Actually Hurt & How?

I apologize for part 1, this one, being after the other two…a slight mishap in filing my blogs

Being blunt & succinct…bullying can lead to emotional, physical, & mental trauma for those that are affected by it, as an adult or child, if they ever can. Unfortunately, some people have resultant PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome) from an early childhood through their entire adult lives due to bullying…even from siblings & parents.

I did say PTSD, which is normally associated only with first responders and veterans. It affects hundreds of thousands, potentially millions of adults every…single…year…with no end in sight. Make no mistake about this, bullying when it occurs in the home is a form of Domestic Violence or Child abuse, take your pick, usually the bully makes the victim believe that the bullying is their lot in life…so accept it. No matter what the truth may actually be.

Bullies can be anyone who associates with the individual, family members to teachers to co-workers to managers. If it’s a one time or maybe a twice said thing…it may not affect them as deeply and can potentially be quickly forgotten. But when the abuse is an on-going item, even once a week, and it starts as young as 2 or 3 years of age, or younger or they witness it…then…it can literally be held in the back of their mind for decades. It can & usually will hold them back from achieving their dreams & goals, which only re-enforces the bullying behavior from others.
Bullying, verbal & physical, will ALWAYS hurt someone, especially if used over & over again at one person. Many times, I’ve heard someone say they would rather have had the sticks & stones of the nursery rhyme than the words…those injuries heal much faster than the verbiage spewed. Those bullying words can last for a lifetime when it comes to child abuse & DV.

For most people they can learn to cope with the insults, and denigration of bullying. Others, like many female friends, including family members and close friends…who has suffered through verbal/physical/sexual domestic violence & child abuse, they never get over the haunting facts dogging them for literally decades.

For those who are affected by that bullying, it can go several ways, none of which are good for anyone involved:

#1 they could decide it’s far too much, deciding to “Go Postal” on people at school or a business. Then, 43% of the time, they’ll commit suicide to escape retribution.

#2 they become introverted and shy away from anyone who could hurt them again, even in a personal relationship, even a romantic one, which in turn usually forces that person away from them, and it only takes one word, or action, to earn mistrust between them.

#3 they become the proverbial loner, with no friends or social life. For some with this, it can lead to “sleeping around”, stealing, or vandalism, & etc. all in an effort to discover who loves them more…the ones who insulted them repeatedly in the past or those who turn a blind eye to the bad behavior. It could also be the idea of being independent and free from all of it.

#4 is the most tragic ending of bullying …suicide in its innumerable ways to ‘off’ oneself. This can also have the one being bullied turning a weapon on the bully and then you have twice the tragedy.

The question then becomes what can we do to assist and help these individuals with letting go of the voices constantly insulting them in the back of their brains and what are the consequences of not helping?
• Bullying – sometimes the buck up & take it like a man approach simply doesn’t work. Some people handle bullying better than others, but they are still hurtful deep down inside.
• Harassment- sexual, teasing & all other forms, good natured or not can literally lead to an incident of violence, including suicide & homicide.
• Verbal assault, from co-workers & customers, the very essence of harmful & hurtful verbiage. It is considered an assault by more than just myself, and should be considered bullying as well…if the yelling is an intimidation tactic.

As far as whether bullying can be prevented, we need to look at other possibilities for responsibility other than just the policy & procedure manuals. From those who need to take empathy and sympathy into consideration, knowing, or at least we should know, that a bullying incident will affect everyone differently.

Bullying hurts people, no matter what, or whether they seem affected by it, much like a depressed person can act happy and joyful with no outward signs. Not necessarily physically, but where it really counts the most…mentally & emotionally, and the more fragile the mental state… bullying can be used to be hurtful, threatening, or imply violence towards that person.
The answer to can we prevent any incidents of bullying, is simple. Yes & no. It simply depends on whether the bully can be stopped, because again, bullying takes many forms and what a bully is to one person, isn’t bullying to another. Keep in mind, that attempting to quantify their behavior and actions into a comfortable zone of being inside the box may cause them to do actual physical harm…as does the one being bullied.

It happens to Anyone…Any Time…Any Where… For any Reason

I May Be Blind, but My Vision Is Crystal Clear

Permission to share? Of course, with full attribution.
Copyright 2021 Robert D. Sollars

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